About
My Full Story
Hi. My name is Allison.
And if you feel broken, like nothing you do is good enough or like you are hiding under an invisibility cloak to stay safe from judgment and rejection, all to get the love and safety you want, then I understand you. Deeply.
See, when I was a child, I had a pretty good home life.
School, however, was a different story…
Academically, it was a daily struggle. To the point that I was held back a year in kindergarten because I wasn’t progressing as quickly as the other children in my class.
In elementary school, we set goals, and I set a goal to get at least one (1) on my report card. (1’s were like 90-100%). I was told by my teacher that “I should go back and make a goal more suitable for myself.”
In Junior high, I was told that I didn’t have the capacity to understand what we were learning, and I was teased by kids for needing extra help and time on my tests. It was rough!
I struggled with my confidence and self-esteem, constantly beating myself up for not doing as well as everyone else. I didn’t even trust that friends were actually my friends because who could be friends with such a nobody? This never stopped me from working my butt off to do well and try to feel good about myself.
And in high school, academically, things started to turn around for me… My grades improved. I was struggling less, and I felt like I was finally fitting in… for about a second…
One day, the teacher used my work as an example in class, and my good friend said, “Oh, ya, perfect, Allison. No one can do as well as her.”
I was so embarrassed and afraid of losing my friends that I made sure I would never stand out again. I threw on my invisibility cloak so I would not stand out in the crowd. I never wanted to have this feeling again. I asked the teacher to stop using my work as an example, and I never showed anyone how I was doing.
Even though my grades had improved and I was excelling in sports, I would never hesitate to berate myself for every little mistake and moment when I didn’t “cut it,” but I made sure I didn’t stand out from the crowd too much.
I kept everything bottled up inside, locked away. Life felt safer that way. I was consistently looking for validation. I craved to hear I was doing a good job, but when I did get it, I didn’t believe it was true. I couldn’t accept it because I felt like I didn’t deserve it.
This all came to a head after High School… I had taken up acting classes. It felt easier to pretend I was someone other than me.
In a group discussion after I’d just performed a pretty intense, 10-page scene, my teacher told a story. It was a story about his wife. Something in that story struck me deeply, and I began to cry.
“I’m sorry…I don’t know why I’m crying”, I said, feeling shame in front of the group for being me again.
Then my teacher said… “I know why. It’s because you’re so hard on yourself”.
That was it. I went from crying…to sobbing…big, heaving, heavy cries. Hearing someone else say it made me feel both seen and embarrassed at the same time.
And I made a decision… I decided I no longer wanted to be the girl who didn’t believe in herself and who beat herself all the time. Being honest, I no longer wanted to hate myself. No matter what, I would figure out how to gain some confidence in myself and build a positive relationship – with myself. Something I’d never had.
Over the next eight years, I read books and took courses to help me feel the way I wanted to feel about myself.
Confident…proud…happy to be me.
I battled the voice telling me I couldn’t do it and that I would never reach my goal. That I was just born a loser. And I kept going. There were dark times, sure.
Many of the things I tried had no effect…some even made me feel worse. I slogged through the ups and downs of shifting my old, outdated belief system. Worked months and years on creating new, healthier habits. Some things created real shifts but took time to implement and stay consistent with…
I discovered tools like Bodytalk, which is excellent for understanding how belief systems and habits can impact the body and our reality. It helped, but I had to keep coming back to it as it only fixed one or two things at a time.
Talk therapy was great for giving me some tools to shift my beliefs, and it gave me information as to why I might be like this, but it didn’t help this broken feeling inside of me. …I felt like I was missing something.
Then I discovered a psychological understanding called 3P (Three Principles), and I realized that it incorporated elements that the others were missing. It brought together and helped me to understand on a deeper level everything I had learnt up to this point. This created other dramatic shifts.
Slowly but surely, I built up a toolbox of understandings, strategies and processes that transformed me from who I was… …into who I am today.
Someone proud of who she is…confident…happy in my skin and brain…
Step by step, my self-esteem and self-worth grew, and I started to see the light. I found myself becoming increasingly confident in situations I would have never been in previously.
The cage around my head had been opened, and I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I could now look in the mirror and say, “I love you,” with a sparkle in my eyes.
That little girl inside me, who was battered, bruised, and scared, learned to trust and came out of her shell. I no longer need validation from other people.
When someone says ‘thank you’ or ‘good job,’ I accept it as truth, but I don’t need to hear it to know I’ve done a good job. I understand what true happiness and joy feel like. It doesn’t come from places or things.
My once-rocky relationships with my husband and my dad have improved and strengthened. I’m coached by David Key and Dr. George Pransky from Pransky and Associates, who have worked with notable individuals such as Tony Robbins and Syd Banks. I became certified as an innate wellbeing specialist and an Equine-Assisted Learning facilitator.All to help chip away at the hardened poo that covers your brilliant diamond.
I now offer my hand to the people who don’t believe in themselves and sabotage what good they might have in their lives – the ones who beat themselves up and hate the person they see in the mirror. To help see what was true all along, so they live a life more fully and freely.
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